What it Feels Like to Be 15 Years Sober (Hint - Pretty Damn Good)
Not Cut Out For This
I should have known from an early age that I was not cut out for the
drinking life. I got my first DUI before I got my driver's license at
the age of 15, the very first time I ever got behind the wheel after
consuming alcohol. This followed the occasion of the first joint I ever
bought which resulted in me getting kicked out of junior high school in
Jacksonville, NC. By the time I got my second DUI at age 21 I was
already on the road to an alcohol aided divorce.Â
Luckily for
me, I didn't lose my job over that arrest and kept my health insurance
which allowed me to go to an outpatient rehab (located in what is now a
funeral home). My insurance company spent a lot of money so the folks at
the rehab center could teach me to go to AA meetings, which is what
rehab centers actually do. With the help of AA, I got sober and stayed
that way for the rest of my twenties. (Side note - I also married
someone I met in that rehab center. Do not do that. Not recommended)
Relapse
Unfortunately, eight years later I neglected to tell a doctor that I was
in recovery and he prescribed me narcotic painkillers, which led me
quickly back to pot and just as quickly back to alcohol. I was 30. For
the next 13 years I struggled on and off with trying to get sober again.
the urge to drink was without a doubt, the most powerful force in my
life. It is what i thought about as soon as i woke up in the morning.
Something horrible would happen and I'd go a year or more at times on
the wagon, sometimes attending AA, often not. I'd invariably get drunk
again. The people in my home group did what AA folks all over the world
do. They told me to keep coming back. And, although I very firmly
believed myself to be just a bad person, they didn't.Â
A Moment of ClarityÂ
Finally, in a moment of clarity, I realized several facts to be true -
that I wasn't a lost cause, that I needed to follow directions and that
I could not blame anyone else for my alcoholism. I asked a Wild Bill
Hickcock lookalike ex-con named Sam to be my sponsor and I felt a
smidgen of humility and a smidgen of hope. That was on December 28,
2008. I haven't had a drink since. In the interim. I followed a path
that's almost a stereotype. I got heavily involved in endurance sports.
I lost nearly 100 lbs. In the two years following my sobriety date, I
averaged over 10,000 miles on my bicycle. I rode over 70 century
(100-mile) rides. I rode across the state of NC from the mountains to
the coast four times.Â
The Happy Aftermath
Life kept on happening. I got divorced (again). I got remarried (again).
My new wife, who I met cycling, and I hiked the Appalachian Trail on an
epic 156-day honeymoon. We're still married, by the way. I was able to
finish my career as an IT specialist in the public school system and
retire.
I haven't had so much as a speeding ticket in years.
My relationships with my grown kids and family members have been
repaired. None of my 13 grandkids have ever seen me drunk. I do not miss
drinking. I don't even have any curiosity about the craft beer industry
that sprung up after I got sober. The same goes for legalized weed. It's
just not for me. I never, ever, ever want to have to struggle with
anything like the overwhelming urge to drink that once consumed my every
waking moment. I don't go to many meetings any more, although I will
always consider myself a member of AA. I feel not one bit a shame for
being an addict, believing 100% that alcoholism is an illness, but a
treatable one.
I don’t wear my sobriety as my identity. It’s
part of who I am, sure, but like everyone, I have a lot of parts. I’m
forever grateful to Sam and all the other old drunks from the Sandalwood
Group of AA. Today, though, I’m just a regular old guy with white hair
and a waist line. I’m pretty happy most of the time.Â