Living Out Loud

Confessions of a Non-Gamer

gaming

For someone who has had an uninterrupted fascination with technology for over 30 years, I have never been able to make the commitment of time and energy to get into computer games in any meaningful way. Back in the 90s I downloaded Wolfenstein and spent a small amount of time playing the same level over and over, but it never grabbed me. I remember buying a copy of the game Myst. I installed it on my 486 and I don't remember getting past the first scene. My brain just totally didn't understand a single thing about what I was supposed to do. I bought my kids the original Nintendo with Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt but trying to play the games just made me angry and frustrated and it was not fun. Later we got a Sega Genesis, I think for Sonic the Hedgehog but I never touched a controller.

At one time I wanted to play competitive Scrabble, the board game. I downloaded word lists and bought Hasbro's Mac edition. I enjoyed playing it and developed a bit of skill but it was evident that I was never going to devote the hours of study that tournament play requires. An update to macOS broke the game and Hasbro had never updated it. Now I only play against my mother when I go to visit her. She beats me too.

With the advent of the iPhone I tried two or three games through the years, Angry Birds, Monument Vally, Cut the Rope. None of them were habit forming. I tried Words With Friends and used to play some against my wife before we started dating but I never committed to it. These days, she plays some type of game every day, usually the NY Times word puzzles or a some other iOS brain teaser. I just read or work on my blog.

Our grandsons all have their own Xbox and big screen TVs in their bedrooms. For years their wish lists have always had Xbox cards on them. Even my five-year old granddaughter plays games. My son, a 40-year-old manager in the automotive industry has a game console. My sons-in-law play games. I remain on the outside, mystified.

I don't look down on gamers or gaming in any way. The networks engineers I work with, all of whom I respect for their giant brains, all play computer games. I've always been kind of jealous that this whole segment of society, the people who should be in my tribe for our love of technology, have a love and a passion for something that just totally mystifies me. I'm almost 60 and I know their are gamers older than me. I've seen some of them on YouTube. I just feel like that if the urge to play hasn't grabbed me by now that it never will. I miss not being able to talk to people about something so many find pleasure in, but it is what it is.

I'm glad that a healthy gaming culture exists today. I got worried 10 years ago when Gamergate was at its ugly height, but from what I can tell the good guys are winning these days and gaming culture is inclusive and there are places for women and LGBT folks. That makes me happy.

At least I share the same love of science fiction and fantasy that many gamers have. I don't feel like a total square stick in the mud, just a partial one.

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