The Guilt Industrial Complex
I think there is a very fine line between guilt and motivation. When I am motivated to do something, it's because I am looking forward to some sort of reward for doing it, whether it be an internal or external reward. I am motivated to blog every day because I like the sense of achievement I get from extending my streak of days publishing something and for the intrinsic joy of being creative. When I do something out of guilt, it is invariably because I want to escape negative feelings I'm already having or I want to prevent from having in the future. Honestly, a little bit of guilt can be a good thing from time to time for me. It pushes me to not be lazy and to accomplish some of the less fun things in life.
The first time I went to alcohol rehab (I was a slow learner) was nearly 40 years ago. I was only 22, but I had a failed marriage and what I thought was a future as an absentee father ahead of me. I was chided by the counselors and my treatment peers for holding on to guilt feelings non-productively. Knowledge may be power but in my case, the awareness of the issue preceded change by a couple of decades. When recovery finally took hold in my life in 2008, I finally managed to internalize the reality that at any given time, I along with most other people, am doing the best I can with the tools I have to work with. It took what it took for me to get sober. My family long ago forgave me and many people who know me now, never knew me when I was drinking. Not feeling guilty for all the shitty stuff I did as a practicing alcoholic is a pretty good reward.
As a card carrying progressive lefty, I am faced with the philosopher's dilemma. How can I enjoy life and the fruits of my labor while so many people are oppressed and do without? I drive a gas burning car each day to an air-conditioned home and I don't worry about where my next meal is coming from. Do I give enough to charity? Have I passed up any meaningful opportunities to speak up for people of color or women or my LGBT friends? My country is facing what could be an existential election in November. Am I doing enough to save democracy? If you think the last sentence of this paragraph is going to tell you the solution for that - LOL.
I try not to be a purveyor of guilt to others, especially my kids. Do I wish I could see them more? Of course, but I'm not going to call them up and act sad because I don't. I'm going to get in my car or on an airplane to go where they are. Having said that, I will, of course ask any conservative I know planning on casting a vote for the anti-choice, anti-healthcare, anti-family, anti-American party how in the hell they can live with themselves. When you do the wrong thing, you need to feel guilty. You earned it.
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