Living Out Loud

Looking Forward


I believe in the miracle of mindfulness. I know better than to project. I certainly realize that the past is a giant immutable rock. I've heard that the present is all we have. Got any more cliches for me to validate? Having said all that, I do dearly love having something to look forward to. I'm fine with planning a vacation six months or more into the future. It gives me time to read books about the destination, search Yelp for restaurants, find places for Wonder Woman to go running and places where we can hike together. I enjoy making lists and notes and sharing what I find. When the time for the trip finally arrives, there's always room for spontaneity but most of the uncertainty is removed.

I don't mind the end of a TV season that much if there is a reasonable certainty that the show will be returning. I have a whole summer (or whenever) to think about the characters and watch the days count down in my media tracking app. Imagination is a wonderful thing. We recently finished a show that we have been watching for seven years (The Good Doctor). I'm sure in my mind I will wonder what the characters are up to now that the show is over. I still think that way about The Wire and it ended in 2008.

I try not to get my hopes up when things are out of my control. Right now, I am looking forward to July 11, 2024, when the just convicted ex-president of the US will be sentenced for 34 felony convictions. While I'd like to see him get the same punishment a non-white poor person would get, I know he won't. But between now and then I can engage in a little fantasy where he gets help accountable for something.

Some things in the future are terrifying and I try to avoid thinking about them as much as possible. I fear our next election a lot and the only thinking I do about it is in making contingency plans to cancel my subscriptions to the Washington Post and New York Times and delete the news apps off my phone. I am resolved to read nothing but tech news for four years and to concentrate on the things that make me happy. That's an incredibly privileged position to take and my guilt may get to me but right now that is the plan.

I've noticed that the days in my life still pass by slowly. Workdays can be interminable and some weeks take forever for Friday to roll around. Yeah, the days are slow, but the years are so fast. All of my kids will soon be in their 40s. Our first grandchild to graduate high school finished last year. This year we have another and in a couple of years we will start to have multiple graduations a year to attend. Our youngest grandkids start school in August and there are no more babies left at home and the likelihood there will ever be another is slim. I guess I'm just waiting for great grandparenthood. LOL

I used to say that balance is the point that I pass on the way to either extreme, but these days are pretty smooth, even if I am thinking about the future more than all the self-help books think I should.