What Is Your Love Language?
The Five Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman in which he puts forth the idea that there are five different ways people prefer to be shown they are loved:
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
If you ask me which one is my favorite, jokingly I’ll tell you that I’d like one of each, please, because they all sound pretty amazing.
I love it when someone cooks a meal for me. My mother is great at this. She makes holidays special with home-roasted prime rib, fresh oysters by the bushel, and other favorites.
I’ve received some memorable gifts in my life, perhaps none more special than a winter coat from my grandmother when I was a high school freshman. Funds were tight at home that year, and I had accidentally burned a big hole in the only coat I had. She noticed that and made a special trip to take me to JC Penney's to get something warm and decent-looking.
In my teen years, I really wanted to hear that I was doing okay. I had lots of issues, behaviorally and otherwise, but the one thing I took pride in was my work ethic. I was a farm kid, and during the season, I worked long, hard hours in ways that most city kids would never understand. I wanted nothing more than to hear that I was appreciated, but at that time in my life, the words were not forthcoming. I lived with my uncle, and he didn’t hand out praise lightly back then. However, in the intervening decades, he’s changed his attitude about that and never fails to make me feel appreciated by bragging about the work we did in the '70s and '80s.
As for physical touch, I’m glad to come from a family of huggers and to be married into one as well. Even my teenage grandsons give hugs. We are careful not to make anyone feel like hugs are mandatory because people get to decide for themselves what they feel comfortable doing, but 99% of the time, you’re getting squeezed repeatedly when you arrive and depart from a family gathering.
But if I could pick just one category out of the five, it would be quality time. It is the reason my marriage is as strong as it is. Wonder Woman is almost always in proximity to me unless she is out running. We work at the same place and drive back and forth together. We eat lunch together most days unless she has a meeting. I seldom have meetings myself—I'm not important enough. I don’t need her to entertain me; I am comforted just by her presence and the ability to reach out and touch her at home. We are creatures of habit, and the rituals of our life ground me: sitting together in the evenings, watching an hour of TV while lying arm in arm, serving her dinner, and listening to music or podcasts on road trips. I love it all.
I am the same with others I love, too. I love spending time with my kids and their kids. Being with them gives me energy and makes me feel whole. I could listen to my kids talk about their jobs, friends, or hobbies forever. I could watch my grandkids at their various recitals, horse shows, band performances, soccer games, or whatever for hours. I enjoy just watching them play video games. They don’t have to do things for me or dote on me; I just want to be in their presence. To me, that’s where the love is.
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